When a Family Member Passes Away, DO NOT Keep These 4 Items (For Your Own Healing)
Maya ChenGrief is sacred. The urge to hold onto everything your loved one touched is natural—almost instinctive. A sweater, a coffee mug, a pair of shoes… each item feels like a lifeline to their presence.
But not all keepsakes comfort.
Some anchor you in pain, turning your home into a museum of loss rather than a sanctuary for healing.
As someone who’s walked through deep grief, I’ve learned that honoring a loved one doesn’t mean preserving every trace of them. Sometimes, the most loving act is to let go.
Here are 4 items experts and grief counselors advise against keeping—not out of disrespect, but out of care for your heart.
1. Unwashed Clothing or Bedding
The trap: That shirt they wore the day they died. The pillow they slept on. You keep it unwashed, believing their scent = their presence.
The truth:
The smell fades, leaving only dust and mildew.
Clinging to it can delay acceptance of their physical absence.
It may trigger anxiety or obsessive thoughts (“What if I lose the scent?”).
🕯️ Healthier alternative:
Wash one meaningful piece (like a favorite sweater), then wear it yourself or turn it into a memory quilt. Let their essence live through you—not in a decaying fabric.
2. Unused Medications or Medical Supplies
The trap: Pill bottles, syringes, oxygen tubing—left “just in case” or out of guilt.
The truth:
These items symbolize suffering, not love.
They can trigger traumatic memories of their final days.
Expired medications pose safety risks.
🩺 Healthier alternative:
Safely dispose of medical waste (many pharmacies offer take-back programs). Keep one empty prescription bottle with their name as a symbolic token—if it brings peace, not pain.
3. Unopened Gifts or “Someday” Items: